O'Reilly & Veljohnson Debates Hurricane Kat
November 4, 2005 << previous article 5 next >>
I have a special treat for everyone, as I have convinced two of this nation's most prominent intellectuals to discuss the issues of the day. I am proud to introduce to you famous radio and television personality, Bill O'Reilly and legendary humanitarion, Reginald Veljohnson.
Pure flavor.
O'Reilly: Reginald, you say Bush doesn't care about black people, but, contrary to what you may believe, the President doesn't cause hurricanes.
Veljohnson: I didn't...
O'Reilly: I know this, because I've read the Constitution, in fact I have Constitution bed sheets.
Veljohnson: You are putting words...
O'Reilly: I mean, goodness, President Bush may be fucking awesome, but he doesn't have magic powers, though I'm sure you never learned that from your gangster rap and ebonics classes.
Veljohnson: First off, I listen to jazz, secondly...
O'Reilly: Now Reagan on the other hand, he could transform into a dragon, thanks to exposure to radiation during the 1963 filming of "Walt Wigglesworth eats a big bowl of plutonium".
Veljohnson: I am almost certain you just made that all up.
'bullhead' Veljohnson
is a terror machine
Veljohnson: What do you mean?
O'Reilly: You are able to play the race card and spin the facts at the same time; a lesser man would surely collapse under the weight of such deceit.
Veljohnson: I don't even know what we are talking about any more.
O'Reilly: If this hurricane shows that anyone hates black people, which it does, that person is God.
Veljohnson: Excuse me?
O'Reilly: Woah, cool your fiery ebony temper... though I suppose civility is a little much to expect from the mud people.
Veljohnson: Mud people!?
O'Reilly: Here let me read you a passage from the Bible you may be familiar with; Subdivisions, 21:12, "Shut your god damn mouth, you welfare collecting, white woman raping, grape drink guzzling, lazy, good for nothing, darky."
Veljohnson: You just read that out of a little notebook with the words "O'Reilly's Diary" written on the cover.
O'Reilly: (pulls out a pen and begins writing): "September 18th, Dear diary, Reginald Veljohnson is a total hotty, I wonder if he is dating anyone."
Veljohnson: Umm, what are you doing?
O'Reilly: (continues writing and talking): "Oh man, Reginald totally hates me, he must think I'm as ugly as a dog and fat as a cow." (breaks down in tears)
Veljohnson: ...come on, don't be so sad, I don't think you are ugly or fat.
O'Reilly: HA, caught you! It seems in addition to being a nigger, you are also a faggot.
THE END
Jimmy Atwell is a writer for TheDailyComics.com