All rights reserved © Dennis Lu
2005-2007 www.TheDailyComics.com

October 3, 2005                                                            << previous          article 1           next >>

Black icon Luther Vandross, the R&B sensation and 8 time Grammy winner, passed away the afternoon of July 1'st, 2005. Our friend Mr. Vandross granted TheDailyComics an exclusive pre-death luncheon interview-

Me: Before we start, I just want to say I'm a big fan, and thanks for giving us the privilege of this pre-death, earth-bound interview.
Vandross: Ooo baby, I love me a lil' Chinese.
Me: (embarrased laughter) Well thank you, guilty as charged.
Vandross: You on Atkins, boy?
Me: No, I'm a vegetarian myself; that diet dosen't leave me with much.
Vandross: No meat? I can't do that myself, I need meat just to perform.
Me: Is that one of the secrets to your magnificent voice?
Vandross: Most definitely. My friend Bono from U2 eats roast goose before he goes on, I'm the same way.
Me: You eat roast goose before a show?
Vandross: (chuckles) I ain't as affluent as Mister Bono, I get buck nasty on pork-rinds.
Me: that's a very porous delicacy.
Vandross: Eating 'rinds all time is one of the reasons I got mine nickname.
Me: Let me guess...hmm....pork-rinder?
Vandross: "Fuckufine".
Me: I see. Excuse my ignorance, but what does that have to do with pork rinds?
Vandross: Well, that name was coined by my lovely wife Bette Midler. She noticed that whenever I would see an attractive female walking by, I'd say to her: "fuck, you fine!" After one of instances, Bette had to wait in the hotel lobby for me afterwards, that's when she came up with the moniker "fuckufine". you say it like 'porcupine', and pork...you know, my nick name's a real etymological mess, lets move on.
Me: Alright, are you interested in politics at all?
Vandross: Baby, I ain't just poli-sci, I am poli-psycho!
Me: Wow, ok, so what do you think of Mr. West's comment regarding the president?
Vandross:I love Kanye, I am in many ways a father to him..,but that boy's completely off about our prez. The only thing President Bush is guilty of is having a big heart. He told me how hurt he was by Kanye's comment when we went hunting yesterday. As a matter of fact, he's the one that encouraged me to brave this venture.
Me: President Bush told you to interview with us?
Vandross: (laughs) No, no. He encouraged me to die.
Me: Can't argue with President Bush, man's got a vision two months sooner than reality.
Vandross: Oh, speaking of which- I'm late. excuse me Dennis baby, I've got some dying to do.
Me: May...May I kiss you on the cheek?
Vandross: Proceed.